What is an Energetic Boundaries?
If you have moved out of home but have to return there for a holiday or even worse to live for a while! You will soon see the need to recreate or just create boundaries not just at a physical level but at an energetic level as well. And don’t fool yourself because if you are thinking you need boundaries then your parent/parents are probably thinking the same thing. Creating Energetic Boundaries
Below is a great really down to earth article by Michael Maso Ellis about boundaries. Michael is an Australian who lives in New Zealand who is passionate about healthy living, performance and the arts, and sharing skills and wisdom.
Why Creating Healthy Energetic Boundaries Makes us All Stronger
Seeing and responding to energetic projection honestly, being authentic and conscious can be hard, here’s a look at how to practice this, and why its good for us.
I’m sitting here right now at my computer and I feel sore. Like, you know, in my feelings. Why? You might ask. Well, I’m staying with my father at the moment, and this morning (the day after I arrive, mind you..) he came into the room where I was sleeping at 7 am, woke me up to tell me some very important information. That the chickens might have laid a couple of eggs and please don’t let the cats out. For fuck’s sake. So this relatively simple thing has set the tone of my whole morning, because in the morning I am super sensitive. Bizarrely, In my morning lucid dream, I was talking about eggs with my father and how to test if they are bad are not. What the hell?! Anyway so he knocks a bit on the door and asks me if I’m awake (which woke me…grrr), comes right on in, then tells me those important things.
“If you want to see how enlightened you are, go spend a week with your family” – Ram Dass
Now, historically when I was younger, I would have just let that get to me, without really knowing why I felt shit all morning, or indeed alot of the time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad, hes a good man, but I get triggered by his manner sometimes. All pretty normal. This morning however, I managed to work out what the fuck just happened, and I knew I had to take action!
So I wrote this message to him :”I need you to not do that.. the last thing I need in the morning is to be woken up hours before im ready, to be told something you could have written in a note im 30 fucking years old not 8. thanks! 🙂 “.
(my father later noted that I am lucky I don’t have kids…parents…I salute you!)
Now this might seem like a pretty minor thing, but for me its quite a big deal, because I have often censored my responses to people because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. My parents included.
Let’s look at a situation like this in terms of energetic projection:
I was in a highly vulnerable energetic space
The other person had been thinking about what was important to them and probably worrying.
Energy type: Shadow : Anxiety
They took action based on their decision of what was important information in order to alleviate the anxiety.
They assumed that the information should be important to me also
And then they came and talked at me without consideration for my energetic state.
Subjecting me, at that vulnerable moment, to their Shadow : Anxiety
I then took on the anxiety because I’m a sponge, and was raised to be a good boy and be polite and conscious of other people.
So for me, as an empathic person, it’s hard to imagine ever subjecting a person to my energy in such a way, unless it was absolutely necessary…because I know what it FEELS LIKE to have it happen to me…and obviously this is an incredibly minor situation compared to what could and does happen to people all the time, but its a good example none-the-less.
Also I should note, I accept that it is important that the cats don’t get out, but a note on the kitchen bench would have sufficed for communication. Of course he was also being nice in his way, but the principle of the matter is the issue of boundaries.
The Curse and Blessings of Empathy
So for me, being conscious means seeing and being aware of what happens with subtle energetics between people, in all situations. Its not always pretty feeling everything from other people, but in the bigger picture it has helped me to ground into myself more, and ultimately lead an authentic life, because I learn so much about myself by being triggered. The plus side is that I’m also able to share beautiful feelings and inspiration very easily.
However, there is a very important step which helps me to understand what’s going on.
When I’m triggered, I need to quickly write a note about the situation as it happened, so in the swirling energetic response to the situation, I can retain something for later examination. Importantly and by extension, respond creatively to the trigger means I can understand my own needs better, and therefore see if I need to set clearer boundaries.
Sometimes I wait until time has passed and then share my notes or expressed reflections, and this helps to keep preserve the truth of that moment until its appropriate to bring up. This, in turn, means that the heated emotions in a moment don’t HAVE to be the starting point for a conversation.
In energetic terms:
The other person has “passed a vibe” to me, which triggers me
And out of habit or circumstance I take it on board
I transfer that vibe to words or a picture or a song
I can see the vibe outside of myself in the expression
That shadow is contained and made safe through the attention it receives
Life goes on
The wider implications of this practice
It is very easy to see how powerful language is, visual, non-verbal/energetic, written or otherwise.
It is the carrier of vibration. Very important to remember I feel is that something seemingly innocent such as a greeting “Hi, nice to meet you”, can have an energetic undertone that doesn’t match the words. This means that the non-verbal/energetic reality is primary. Words are so powerful because they carry vibration, not necessarily because they are true. It is the vibe that’s real and affects us so deeply. Looking at media, mainstream, alternative or otherwise, in this light is very interesting to me.
In my life its been pretty common to come across people justifying having no boundaries, or crossing boundaries, while using words that seemingly mean something else. Ideas about ‘oneness’, ‘opening the heart’ and any kind of collective or group consciousness philosophies can have serious implications for boundaries. We need to be critical about the energy we experience, and be aware that words and energy are different. One of my teachers in India used to try to manipulate me by using phrases like ‘you are not an individual, are all one’ and ‘we are all one being’. Lovely ideas when used right, but what he was doing energetically was far from lovely.
Over time I am learning how to creatively respond to my experiences of energy and vibration in relationships, and in my internal work. This has helped me to move through triggers, understand processes, and cut through illusions about language, and establish stronger boundaries.
A couple more things to consider
If its not safe to set a boundary, that’s a good realization to have
You don’t HAVE to set a boundary, but you can if you want to
It can help to have a support outside of the dynamic that triggers you, while you get strong enough
Other people might need to set boundaries for themselves in relation to you, but do not, for their own reasons
We don’t have to lock down completely, boundaries need to be balanced with communication.
It helps the other person to understand us when we communicate clearly
Ultimately, the authoritarian paradigm is falling, people are waking up, and the effect flows on into the smallest situations. The way in which we attend to the evolution of consciousness determines how our relationships survive. If we take responsibility, that means, remember the ability to respond to a trigger, rather than react, we are further empowered and authentic. Hopefully, we can then support each other to come out of the illusions and see the true rawness of being human.
It has been only this way that has helped me move forward in my own life, and I am constantly reminded of this phenomena in other’s lives.
Safe travels 🙂
About the author:
Michael Maso Ellis is an artist, mentor and spiritual practitioner, with a deep passion for the intuitive and creative experience of connecting to Life.
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